Everyone wants to know about the Ken Lucas incident. Honestly, what happened with Ken was unfortunate. People are going to try to put me in a box and say they know who I am.

I heard stuff from I'm "2 Sucker Punch" Smith, to just about everything people can come up with. To be honest, I'm not really expecting people to give me a free pass. There's no explanation I can give to justify what I did and I'm not going to try to waste their time trying to. It's just unfortunate.

But you've got to look at the bright side of things. I got an opportunity in a private team meeting to hear my teammates really open up and show me what's in their hearts. They got a chance to see me open up and show them what's in my heart. I respect them for that. We got past it. The media wants to talk about it still and that's up to them. Let them talk about it. I'm not going to deal with the consequences of the actions of others that feel fit to judge and condemn me.

My job is not to bring anybody back in the public to being on my side, but I can stand up and say, I've made a mistake.' I'll be the first one to own up to it. I've never been a guy to shy away from things - when I've done good or bad. I took full accountability for what happened and if people think that's me trying to push it under the rug, you need to look at what accountability is.

I'm going to continue doing what I do in community. People thought I was doing that to revamp my image. It's way beyond that. If people get mad with me, that's fine. I get it. I got hate mail about how stupid I am and that I'm the worst role model ever. I've gotten some great supportive letters, too.

I'm very sorry for what I did, but I'm not the first person to ever make a mistake, and it doesn't change the over 600 kids that are in our foundation annually that we help or the over 2,500 winter coats we have provided for years to the needy at Crisis Assistance Ministries. It doesn't change that I'm a father or a husband or that I'm still on this team.

People want to know if Mr. Richardson and I talked. Yeah we talked. He talked to me like he always has. I apologized to my kids, my wife, Mr. Richardson and Ken. I apologized to Ken personally and asked for his forgiveness. I asked the Lord for his forgiveness as well.

...Now I'm sure some of you saw me fall on my shoulder and come out of the exhibition game against the Redskins. Man, I've been having shoulder problems since I hurt it in the Dallas game last year. I did rehab on it and I've had less pain day to day, but it hurts depending on the type movements I do and the sharpness of them. It's one of those things that have been agitating me and I didn't expect it to hurt as bad as it did when I fell on it. But it's part of the game. You play through injuries. You try to get healthy. I'm not sure what we'll do at the end of season. I'll talk to more than one doctor to get a fair assessment on the best procedure to minimize that pain that I have on a day-to-day basis. It really doesn't concern me too much. I'll play this season.

I also got a concussion this season. I had these massive headaches. It started when I got hit and didn't stop until five minutes after we came back out from halftime. My best friend Allen had to drive my in-laws home after the game and my wife had to drive me to the doctor for a cat-scan to make sure I had no bleeding on the brain.

I took some tests to determine the severity of the concussion. I didn't know the severity of it until I was watching "Training Day" that Thursday after the game and I couldn't remember what the next scene was. I've watched that movie four or five times. I was really messed up. It was my first concussion. It's like going out into the world real slow.

Until the next Blog,
Steve "89" Smith

Hey guys. First off, I want to say thanks.

I received a lot of feedback from my first blog last week that hit our website at athletesforyouth.org. The comments and notes I got back in encouragement were amazing. I and my family really appreciate it. It truly helped me get through the week. It helped me see there's light at the end of the tunnel. If we all continue to be that way towards everybody, without any special circumstances, as a people we'll be much better off as a whole.

Now, was last week the lowest week of my professional career? Some people want me to say yes and some would say it should be. But it depends on how you look at it. To me, it's an opportunity to learn and grow, and if you add all those factors in, it certainly wasn't the bottom of my career. If it was the bottom of my career, that would mean I'm allowing this event to define me and put me in a place I don't need to be.

I do know that Sunday can't come fast enough. After we play the Bears, I'll be ready to go. My suspension will be over and I will be back on Monday. What I did last week was work out five days. It was like getting ready for camp. Our Charity organization, Athletes United For Youth, was part of a big press conference with the Citadel Group Championships at The Palisades Tennis Tournament with Jim Courier, NASCAR Driver Landon Cassill and my fellow AUFY partners Dell Curry, Jay Bilas and Jeff Hood and they let a little schmuck like me in the building and I really enjoyed it. To be exchanging forehands and backhands with a tennis legend like Jim Courier, man, that was pretty cool right there. And I want to be involved in things like that and not be a guy who has a charitable foundation and has events but doesn't show up, or shows up and looks out of place. I beat Jim in Nintendo Wii tennis (yes I said it!) but I also took a few real tennis lessons. I wanted to be ready. That's the competitive edge in me. I'm not going to allow myself to not be prepared for something. And that's the way I'm taking these last two weeks that I've been suspended - as a time to be prepared for the upcoming season. But it's been tough, being away from my teammates. Words can't really describe how I felt. It's very difficult. It's also a part of the consequences I have to deal with so I can't really feel too bad and take the whoa-is-me approach. I try to be constructive with my time, and serve my time so to speak, and get back to my teammates and get back on the field, doing the job I love doing, which is playing football.

...I did not watch the game Sunday against the Chargers. I listened to it on the radio. I was in my vehicle driving back from Asheville. My oldest son, Peyton, had soccer games in Asheville and some really good friends of ours have a cabin up there. Sunday, I woke up at 7 and chased some golf balls, well, I lost a lot of golf balls on the course, then I went to the Biltmore House and then we drove home and I listened to the game.

I'll be honest; listening to it that way was terrible. I never understood why people go to the game and listen to it on the headphones. I couldn't see anything obviously and I was just trying to listen to the descriptions. Only, being a player the descriptions didn't help me paint the picture. Being that playing football is my job, painting the picture is about small, minute things. I'd like to know if D.J. Hackett is outside or inside the numbers. That tells me what route he's going to possibly run.

As I was coming home, I was texting the team manager and asking what was going on. Once, I had to stop and get gas. It was fourth and 1. I texted and asked, 'What the heck are we doing?' I came back and we had three points.

And when Dante Rosario caught that game-winning pass, I was just getting off the freeway to my house. They were like "ROSARIO! TOUCHDOWN!" and I was like, "YES!" I almost pooped on myself. After the game some of the guys called me. By the time I got home, I had been driving so long, I shut it down. I had a lot of messages and texts from guys when I got up the next morning. It made me feel I was a part of it. I don't know how much they knew exactly what they did meant to me, but it made me feel a part of that win.

I caught a glimpse of Chris Gamble's interview and I heard the remarks he made about me. It really touched me a lot. It goes back to the meeting I had with the team and the things those guys said then. There are some special guys on this team and in that locker room and I don't know how it is everywhere else, but it's not always like this. I can't wait to get back.

And when I get back, I just want to help out. I'm going to play football. I'm going to do what I always do: I'll come out there and give it all I've got and do my best and try to win my battle against the corner or the corner and the safety. And seeing how well the other receivers did last week is very very encouraging. What they did without me was great. It should only help us when I get back. And I can't wait.

See y'all next week.
'89.

Hey guys, I gotta tell you, I'm feeling great. I feel stress free. Have the last two weeks changed me? People want to say, "I hope it's humbled him" or "I hope he's taken time to reflect."

If you're not getting something from every experience, good or bad, you're not growing. One thing I've learned in this whole ordeal is to gain strength from new places. I think I said thanks to all the people who wrote me nice notes and letters last week. This week, I want to talk to all the people who wrote and called me stupid or called me a thug or anything they wanted to say. I appreciate those people, too. Yes, I'm stress free and I'm also on that grind. It's the same mentality I had when I was growing up: there's a lot of doubters.

I got some new fuel for my fire.

It's funny. I came into the league against Minnesota and if this isn't devine intervention that my first game back is against Minnesota, I don't know what is. I know people will say, "He's one of those," but I am a believer - when I make a mistake I'm one and I am one today.

So I come back to the game against the team I started playing against. I believe it's for a reason. That's why my family will be at the game, including my little girl, Baylee, who was born Sept. 9, the Wednesday before my first game ever, which was against Minnesota. And I'm taking this game as a clean slate. My teammates gave me a clean slate. I forgave myself. The person I harmed has forgiven me, and now all I have to do is go balls to the wall. Like I said, I'm stress free with a little bit of fire in there to come out and play. Right now, I'm like the Jack in the box. You keep turning and turning and you know its coming but you don't know when. The day I pop out of the box? Sunday, 1 p.m.

I know some people wonder will I have another incident. I've had many altercations when I've had an argument with someone or someone has taken a shot at me, like the Atlanta game last year, and I've taken the high road. Will I be able to do that again? That's a question that I know the answer to.

What I've been through the past two weeks I really don't feel like going through again.

Yes, I made a mistake in November of 2002. I will say for the first time that somebody did take a swing at me then, for all the people who want to say that I pummeled a teammate six years ago. But right now, I'm here to play football. All the what if questions, I'm really leaving to the what if people.

I'm in a good place. I'm stress free and I'm not worried about the non-important people, the people who want to degrade, demean, the people who try to kick me when I'm down. I want to be around people who are encouraging and see the truth and good in everybody. I want to be that way as well.

I've had time to sit back and reflect. I've just been kind of listening and reading and for the most part, it's been very entertaining. The people in the media do a very good job of making sure they keep giving the description of what my suspension was for and why I did it and how they hope I can keep my anger under wraps. I find it interesting how eager the media is to do that. Yes it's the truth, but it's interesting.

It gets under my skin a little bit, but that's part of the gig.

Controversy and negativity sells. The great stuff and good stuff goes on the back pages. So I think I'm going to get away from doing too many interviews. I was approached by someone in the media who thought it would be a great story to watch the Chicago game with me so people can truly see who the real Steve Smith is. He said it would be a great story and would help revamp my image. I don't really care what somebody is going to write or not write to try to revamp my image. People are going to look at me and perceive me the way they want to no matter what I do. I will not be the guy who says, "Well, I'm going to do this interview because I want to get this."

That's not me and won't ever be me. My job is to play football.

And it was fun to get back to work. It was just outstanding getting back into the locker room. It was a warm reception. The guys were happy to see me. I won't say it was surprising, but it was different.

I saw guys like Chris Harris, Jon Beason, Rhyne Robinson, Jason Baker, John Kasay, Jeff King, Dante Rosario, the overnight sensation, which I find amusing because Dante's been working his tail off for 12 or 13 months now. But the guys were giving me pounds, saying "Glad to see you back. Now we can go ahead and continuously get better." Just all positive stuff.

I pounded Ken Lucas and he was very happy to see me, too, so it was great.

I'm just in a good place. The team is 2-0. That says this about the team: No Smith, no problem. I come in now and I'm just a guy. I don't have any pressure. I don't have to do anything extra. I catch balls and go home.

This is the least pressure I've felt in my eight-year career.

Like I have been saying, I'm stress free.

Hollar at y'all next week.
Eight-nine.

Guys, it really felt good to play again. If you didn't know, I played my first game this season last Sunday against Minnesota.

They threw to me on the first play. I knew they were going to before the game started. That felt good. Just getting the first game out of the way was good, too, and getting those first-game jitters out of your system.

You all know that we lost. The first half, before the last minute, was going pretty well, but Minnesota safety Antoine Winfield sacked Jake Delhomme and forced a fumble. Winfield recovered it and scored to tie the game at halftime 10-all. That took a little bit out of us and I don't know if we ever really got back into the game.

When Jake got hit, he told the reporters that I was open. I had a deep corner route and DJ Hackett had a route where the corner bit down. It was a shorter route, and I was wide open. Sometimes I go back on film and I wasn't as open as I thought. I was pretty open this time because of the scheme of the defense and the way they play. Jake said he was winding up to throw it to me when he got hit.

That was a big play for Minnesota, no doubt about it. But I don't think guys were down in the locker room at halftime after it happened. Jake was hot, but other than that, I don't think the atmosphere was down.

I know Nick Goings stepped up and told reporters that it was his fault, that he didn't pick up the blitzer. But listen. It's not just one guy. If you look at it, there's things we all could've done better and we didn't. I think that was great of Nick to step up like that, and when Nick missed the coverage, I was surprised. He rarely misses that, and that's why they put him in on those situations. He really is an ace in the hole. We can always depend on him and he showed after the game why he's a guy we know we can depend on.

The game didn't turn out like I wanted, obviously, but it was fun to have my family there. They go to two or three away games a year. They stayed in the hotel with us but on a different floor. I really didn't see them until the morning of the game. I went downstairs to see them and all they wanted to talk about was going to the Mall of America. I saw them and kissed them and they were telling me about all the stuff that's in this huge mall.

...Now let's talk about this week's game. We play Atlanta. Some folks are saying how this is a huge home game for us. It's always bigger for people who don't play. Home game or away game, you just cannot categorize Week 4 as being the biggest home game in years. This isn't a playoff game. We aren't 0-15. I don't think this game is any less or more important than any other game we'll have this year.

I think I will kind of miss DeAngelo Hall, though. He's a former Atlanta cornerback who is now in Oakland. He and I had some good games against each other. But I still gotta play football. I have to play against the guys the Falcons line up.

And we need to win. I don't think I can put my finger on exactly why we struggle at home. I think we don't finish and put teams away as much at home.

But my thing is this: I just want to win and secondly I want to be doing very well. If I'm doing good with the stats and with the wins, that's great, but you don't want to have good stats and lose. We don't want to catch 100 balls because you're getting blown out every week. I want to win first and put up good numbers and feel a part of that win.

I want to have a big season, but with all the stuff going on, if I get to the Pro Bowl, I get there. I'm not saying I think it'll happen. I doubt it will. I am not focusing on it. I just run routes. I feel like I ran some great ones Sunday. Near the fourth quarter, I was getting winded a little bit. That's going to happen with me being out of the game so long. But I feel good. Things could be worse. I will take where I am and just keep building on it.

Holler at y'all later.
Eight-nine.

We've had a good two weeks with good outcomes playing at home at Bank of America stadium. So we're 4-1 now and it always feels good to win and feel like you're part of it. The most challenging thing for me this week was (as I'm writing this on Tuesday, Oct. 7) I've got my Powerade coach for the day at Lake Norman High School today, and I know a lot of people may have mixed feelings about me doing it.They threw to me on the first play. I knew they were going to before the game started. That felt good. Just getting the first game out of the way was good, too, and getting those first-game jitters out of your system.

I have mixed feelings, too. I have these endorsements and I feel like I've kind of put them in a bind because of my actions in training camp and I left open a window for people to attack my character - well I don't want to say "attack" - but kind of question my character.

But this is an opportunity for me to speak to some kids and interact with them. But what angle do I go with? I'm not going to hide behind my actions but it's a great opportunity for me to talk to them about some of the decisions they're going to be running into as they become adults, tough choices they have to make. I want to make better choices than I did last summer. Some of these kids will be in situations where they want to just react instead of thinking it through. It's a great opportunity for me to talk to them about all that and kind of say, you know, that my actions were absolutely wrong but if you make a mistake, don't' allow that to deter you from still being a good person or doing the right things in the future. More than that, though, I would want to talk to them about making the right choice in the first place. Thinking first instead of reacting first.

To be honest, I'm looking forward to it. I'm on the fence a little bit. It's my second appearance this year. I had an appearance at Circuit City for the Boys and Girls Clubs of Charlotte last Saturday. It went pretty well. There were a LOT of people. Not many asked me about the Ken Lucas incident. They said they were happy to see me back and stuff like that. I guess, though, it's always in the back of my mind. I want them to ask to be honest. It's one of those things where maybe it's more me, where you have this feeling of 'I wonder what they're thinking'?....

Alright, let's talk about Sunday's game against Kansas City and those two TDs I didn't get. It got under my skin. They were drops. The first one, I was worrying about getting my feet down. I didn't know how much room I had. The second one, I got hit but I should've held on that. I relaxed a little and Jake threw it inside and I adjusted a little bit late. I'm more disappointed about the second one than the first one. The first one I wanted to get my feet down, but I make that catch 95 percent of the time. The one I'm worried about is the second one. I relaxed. I shouldn't have.

...A few weeks back on here, I talked about my shoulder injury. It's getting better. I'm doing rehab every week and doctors say there's nothing surgically they can do to improve it. I just do isolation work to build the muscles around it, which takes off some pressure. Honestly, I think looking at the middle of the offseason in 2009, it'll be 100 percent. I won't have surgery except maybe to get some calcium build up off the bone.

...I heard a lot of media people comparing our 2008 team to 2003, which went to the Super Bowl. It remains to be seen how good this team is. I know we all have to compare something to something else. The '05 Bears were compared to the '85 Super Bowl Bears until Carolina came in there in the Division playoffs, and they were just the '05 Bears. But we didn't win the Super Bowl in '03, so I don't want to compare us to that. I want the '08 Panthers to do a great job and win the Super Bowl. We have to go out and make our own identity. Those guys in '03 worked their tails off just like these guys are. I think 2003 was a great benchmark and hopefully '08 will add a little something extra and we'll do even better.

Right now we're 4-1. So whatever the other 4-1 teams are in the NFL, just put us in that category, too. We're doing a great job and it'll be interesting to see where we are after the bye week.

Holler at y'all later.
Eight-nine.